I drink beer
Hardy Fucking Har
That was my laughter
Just giggling at the bar

I was so depressed
Thank you beer
You made me better
You wiped my tears

But then you grabbed my liver
You beat him the fuck up
You made me feel like shit
You made me throw up

Hey wait
Who the fuck said that!
You can't rhyme "up" with "up"
That just ain't Phat!

And besides
Everyone's gonna die
Might as well have fun
Alter your mind and reach the sky

Reach the fucking sky?!!
Holy shit that was lame!
And for your information
Jiminy Cricket's the name

Mane shoo! I don't need no cricket telling me what to do
I could stomp on yo' ass if I wanted to!

I'm not trying to be rude
Just open your ears for a minute or two

Drinking the beer
It's just slow suicide
There is another option
And you won't fucking die!

You sure do cuss a lot for a cricket
Hey Fuckface! See your penis? I'll kick it!

Okay. Where was I?
Oh yeah. See I know this guy
His name is Michael
And he's not very shy

His face is fucked up
and he's go jokes out the wazoo!
for instance "Why did Tigger lift the toilet seat
Cause he was looking for poo!"

But jokes and funky face
That's not all he's got
He has a dingaling
And big it is NOT!

If you're ever feeling down
or you just want to giggle
Pull down his pants
It's so fucking little!

So throw away your alcohol
And give this guy a call
Oh yeah. There's one more thing
His middle name is Paul!

Hardy fucking Har!
Paul = Funny Name......Hardy Har Har!

Well, Jiminy
You've taught me a valuable lesson
Thong on hairy man = love
No I'm just messin'!

So lets dump the reefer, tobacco, and beer
Swing on swingsets and remember this cheer:

"Michael, Michael, He's barely a boy!
But he helped me quit smoking so I jump for joy!
Michael, Michael, He's not a hunk!
But I'm healty and happy cause I laughed at his junk!"